Monday I went back to the doctor to get blood drawn. Mom gave me xanax so I was completely out of it. The lady spent 30 minutes trying to find a vein and finally went got the other doctor to try. He tried for like 15 minutes and couln't find one either. So, he decides to poke me just once hoping to hit a vein, and he didn't. Haha. Overall, I'm not completely over my whole needle phobia, but I'm getting there. Dema actually is the one who gave me the courage to even go. Thanks, Dema. :)
Mom and Alicia left today to move Alicia into her new apartment in Waco. It's super quiet now. I'm not sure when mom will be back. I'm extremely ready for the weekend, though.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Bandages.
A lot of thoughts have just been floating in my head and I need to get them out. They're most likely going to be very unorganized, sorry.
I need to be happy. I'm trying very hard, but failing miserably. He was the one thing that made the happiest I've ever been, but that's the past. Why can't I just smile and mean it? Why does true happiness come so seldomly? (for me atleast) Maybe I'm just blind. I know my life does not suck endlessly, but I wish some things were different, as does every other human being. I mean, I think I've accpeted the fact that I will never be completely over him, nor will I ever find someone who meant as much to me as he did. Am I stupid for asking the questions? I need closure; I never got it. It's like he just cut the chord and erased me from his life, and that was it. No explanation, nothing. That's not the way to end things. I feel useless and worthless now. Really, how do you expect me to be okay after that? I don't understand anything right now. Life is so full of unanswered questions and confusion. I hate it. I'm just asking for happiness. Pure happiness. That's it. Is that so much to ask for? :(
I feel a little better after getting that out.
I need to be happy. I'm trying very hard, but failing miserably. He was the one thing that made the happiest I've ever been, but that's the past. Why can't I just smile and mean it? Why does true happiness come so seldomly? (for me atleast) Maybe I'm just blind. I know my life does not suck endlessly, but I wish some things were different, as does every other human being. I mean, I think I've accpeted the fact that I will never be completely over him, nor will I ever find someone who meant as much to me as he did. Am I stupid for asking the questions? I need closure; I never got it. It's like he just cut the chord and erased me from his life, and that was it. No explanation, nothing. That's not the way to end things. I feel useless and worthless now. Really, how do you expect me to be okay after that? I don't understand anything right now. Life is so full of unanswered questions and confusion. I hate it. I'm just asking for happiness. Pure happiness. That's it. Is that so much to ask for? :(
I feel a little better after getting that out.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Charmer.
I do not want to go to school. I'm not sure why I loathe it so much, but I do. Oh and, the doctor has to draw blood from me next week. I'm freaking out. I'm not sure how that will go down. I need some reassuring. =/
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